Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Help. Why am I so naked?
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