today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
