The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
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You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
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I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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