hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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