Its about making memories worth repressing
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
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Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
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The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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