Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
