and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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