I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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