I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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