May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Randomize
