Apparently you make a good broom.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
