I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
