It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize