Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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