my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
