Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Someone signed my nipple.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
