mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
