My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
