I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Randomize
