So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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