I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Pants are for mortals
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
