Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
