I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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