How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
