The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
