She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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