Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize