i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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