Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Please, let me fuck your mom
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
