Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Randomize
