I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
