I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Randomize
