Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
