thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
