I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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