i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
