If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
