All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
