he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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