bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
