that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
farters have to be the big spoon...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
