i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
