Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
