FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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