she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
