I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
it's like iHOP with fire
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
