clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
