i think my mom watched the whole time
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
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I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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