remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i just had sex bonerless
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
