sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
