she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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