Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So much rum. So many feels.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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