Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
