when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
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