T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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