I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
