this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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