We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
