real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Let's paint friendship bongs
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
