names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
