I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
