Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
