8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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