Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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