Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
