her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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