I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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