i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
