her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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