I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
