Acid is not a monday night drug
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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