Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize