then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
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just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
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It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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