how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
