I must be too annoying 4 u.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
