She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
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Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
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All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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