Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
